It’s a strange feeling, knowing that there’s so much to say, and yet not being moved to say any of it.  The point of this blog has always been about capturing moments or feelings so that I can look back one day and remember, yeah, this is what parenting was like.  And so I find it odd that the past six months have been filled with so many changes and so few posts.

I could blame it on the kid.  He’s walking now.  He talks all the time.  He is sort of high maintenance.  He is both more challenging and more fun than he has ever been.

I could blame it on the schedule.  Mornings I’m flying solo with Declan.  At 11, I drive from one side of town to the other to drop him off with the nanny.  Then, I go back home, clean up the house, shower, check one other item off the to-do list, and go back to the other side of town again by 2.  I get home from work around 10:30, go to sleep around midnight, and am up again with Declan at 6 the next day.  There’s time to write in there, but there’s not a ton of time to ruminate.  To chew on an idea.  To play around with words.  To craft something interesting.

And so, for the most part, I haven’t.

In another month, Declan will start Montessori school.  Our five hours of daily father-son time will shrink to about two.  There is so much I could say about my feelings on that.  But all I’m going to say is: it’s complicated.

Here’s what I can say for sure about these past six months: I have a happy kid.  An enthusiastic kid.  A good-hearted kid.  He believes the world is a fun place.  He believes, on some level, that everything will be okay.  And not just okay.  OHHH-KAAAAY!

I am grateful for the gift of so many hours each week with him.  Not every parent gets that.

I am grateful that he takes my hand, sits in my lap, wants me involved.

Over the past six months, there have been plenty of stories to tell but maybe only one that mattered.

And that’s what happens right in front of me, with my eyes open and my screen off.